Dick Cavett’s Absurd Flying Theater

In case you, like me, missed it a few days ago: Please read Dick Cavett (yes, the Dick Cavett; he’s still alive and flying!) on the Théâtre de l’Absurde also known as Airport Security (I capitalize intentionally to show my respect for those fine, upstanding men and women who spend their days patting other people’s private parts).

Apparently, unlike me, Dick has courage enough to actually ask them about their jobs. And his choice of questions reveals the same genius for getting straight to the point that once made him the King of Talk. For instance:

„What sort of jokes are you tiredest of by one patted?“ (Answer: „Hey, cute stuff, whatca doin‘ after the show?“)

Or how about this one:

„Is anybody really dumb enough to try and go through security carrying a gun?“ (Answer: „You’d be amazed at how many guns we get this way.“)

But my favorite exchange goes like this:

Cavett (after an inspector has confiscated a small unmarked bottle of liquid from a plastic bag and deposited it in a nearby large container): „Supposing whatever possibly dangerous substance it contained had, say, ‚olive oil‘ written on it, would it be OK?

Inspector: „Yes.“

Cavett: „Do you ever feel a little funny standing eight inches from a barrel full of possible explosives for the rest of the day?“

Inspector: „Move on…“