President by Default

Larry, Moe and Curly Joe

It sure is starting to look like a shoo-in for Barack Obama. So what if more than half of Americans don’t like they way he does his job and if his ratings keep reminding you of Jimmy Carter.

But in fact, Obama doesn’t need anybody’s job approval in order to soldier on for four more years. All he has to do is watch the Republicans loose.

And what a line-up of hapless stooges they are:

  • Michele Bachmann, the stand-in for Sarah Palin, who would look just fine in a nice brown shirt.
  • Newt (“the Newt“) Gingrich, who actually looks more like a frog; one of the kind Indians in South America use their slime to make poison darts with.
  • Jimmy McMillan, who would win any “Weird Beard Contest” hands down.
  • Ron Paul, whoever he is (a frigate captain?).
  • Herman (“the Handler”) Cain who would like to start his term in office the way Bill Clinton ended his.
  • And, of course, Texas governor Rick Perry, who just proved in front of a national TV audience that he can’t count to three.

There are also a number of nondescript elderly white males out there with names like  “Martin”, “Miller”, “Karger”, “Roemer” or “Huntsman” who are also purportedly campaigning, although nobody really knows where.

Which leaves us with, tata, the only man who will be left standing once this pack of clowns has finished repeatedly shooting each other in the foot, namely Mitt Romney, who unfortunately is unelectable for a number of reasons, including his faith (“sooner will a camel pass through a needle’s eye than this nation will elect a Mormon to the White House”), his inconsistency (he is against Obmaracare, although it was modeled on his own healthcare bill) and, most crucially, his unfortunate choice of a given name (no baseball in November!).

Therefore it follows that the current president just needs to lean back and watch the fun until November 6th. I guess the rest of us will have to grit our teeth and bear it.

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